...like not of anything specific, just literally tired. I don't know if it was because of the holiday or what but I am just exhausted tired. Like I could just sleep all day long kind of tired. Christmas was kind of hard for me this year which I didn't really expect, and maybe I'm having a bit of residual depression or something. I honestly knew I was sad that I wouldn't be seeing my family for the holiday, but when the day came I found myself really having a hard time believing that it was Christmas and could not get in the mood. It didn't help that we had loads of kids here as well so we didn't get that wake up early and open presents situation either. So we just sat around all day and waited for dinner to be done without doing really any holiday traditions. It was odd. The kids opened a few gifts downstairs away from all the kids with us, then we opened some more late at night around 930 when everyone had left (mind you I was half awake and Dre was asleep lol
Yeah, its lingering. It's not just a one night situation. Why does this have to happen now. Right before the holiday. I mean last night was tough, but to wake up to pretty much a groundhog day of it was worse. I mean I am keeping it together. I even did my hair AND makeup just to try and make myself feel a little better. The depression has set it. Fire away is on repeat. And like usual he doesn't see it. Or he doesn't care. Or both. He is always been a creature of doesn't care. Don't care how I make you feel. Don't care if your mad. Don't care if your going through something. I just try to be bold faced. No crying. No sadness. No weakness. It makes it worse I'm sure and no he isn't a monster. I know deep down he does probably care. I hope. But who knows I'm not him. I just know how I operate. Don't show any emotion. Any weak emotion at least. I don't really know what else to say. I'm upset. I'm empty. I'm sad. I'm angry. I