So tired...

 ...like not of anything specific, just literally tired. I don't know if it was because of the holiday or what but I am just exhausted tired. Like I could just sleep all day long kind of tired. Christmas was kind of hard for me this year which I didn't really expect, and maybe I'm having a bit of residual depression or something. I honestly knew I was sad that I wouldn't be seeing my family for the holiday, but when the day came I found myself really having a hard time believing that it was Christmas and could not get in the mood. It didn't help that we had loads of kids here as well so we didn't get that wake up early and open presents situation either. So we just sat around all day and waited for dinner to be done without doing really any holiday traditions. It was odd. The kids opened a few gifts downstairs away from all the kids with us, then we opened some more late at night around 930 when everyone had left (mind you I was half awake and Dre was asleep lol). And then the rest the kids opened the next evening with me as Dre was out with his brother. I don't even know if I want to get into all that right now. I mean I will say last weekend I had said something kinda sly to him about how weekday nights were for me and weekends were for his brother, but all he did was prove me right and throw in the casino as well. But whatever. I just am too tired to even get into all my bipolar feelings about that right now lol. I don't know if working from home has something to do with my mild "depression" as well. I mean I am a total homebody and usually do not mind being home at all especially this time of year because I hate the weather. But being home for literally days at a time and then combining that with the weird holiday, I don't know. It just has me in a weird funk. Christmas was also a bit chaotic around here. I mean there were so many unexpected guests, which I wish I could say the more the merrier, and even though I feel like a bad person saying otherwise, I mean I feel like we have done our diligent duty in this area. Dre went out and bought and prepared an expensive as hell prime rib roast and when we woke up the next day after not purposely cutting it to prevent it being gone, it was still two thirds gone. I know that everyone has things that come up, and yes I was more fortunate than many to still be with my little family on Christmas, but I feel like sometimes our comfort and wants in OUR own home get pushed to the side to oblige everyone else and it's frustrating sometimes. Olivia's cousin had spent a week here, and as it happens with kids, it was just rounding the time for her to go home. Kids just get tired of spending so much continuous time together (I mean adults too lol) and when my daughter is constantly complaining to me about the arguments and that she's not having fun anymore, the party is over. But I don't always get to make those calls, especially when it's not me or Dre that is making these plans. And it gets annoying sometimes. Like I want to have some control over my home and children and their schedule. I guess I should maybe stop while I am ahead because I just can get overboard when I am feeling like this, but it does bother me from time to time and that is just what it is. I'm just tired. And bored. And annoyed. And frustrated. And just ready for a change. A new year will maybe help? I don't know that's hard to say to be honest lol. I mean it's another day changing to another day. Getting back on track with my finances I think will help. I am always a little more irritable when I am stressed out about money, but I am working regularly again so that should be helping. Christmas is always financially draining, but with work taking out all of that insurance back pay out of my last check before the holiday really stressed me out. Luckily pay day is in a few days and even though we had 1.5 days off, it should still be better than it was. Trina's birthday is right around the corner so I gotta start figuring out what I am going to do for that and I also need to get my credit cards back in check. I'm also assuming that my monthly payment to Dre to help out with the bills should be starting again soon. I know that it was ok for a min because he had gotten his settlement and all, but with Christmas and all of his gambling lately, I don't really know how he is doing financially either and I know that he gets even more stressed out than I do. He gets kinda mean actually and not pleasant to be around. Plus it does make me feel better knowing that I am helping out even if it's just a little bit. I know that he would and has taken care of everything before, but I want to feel like I am a stake holder in this life too and didn't just live off of Dre the whole time. Well I don't know what else to really talk about. I think I got most out of what I wanted to without going to deep and completely draining the tiny bit of energy that I have in me right now. 'Til next time...