Now I don't wanna come off like a total cliche, but I'm not starting this "blog" to be read by millions and inspire. I'm mostly starting this to just be a brain dump. A journal or sorts. Or if you want to be really corny, a diary. Sometimes I just get this overwhelming feeling that I need to get things out and due to turning into a complete introvert after 30, I am seriously lacking impartial people to talk to about things as they are all family at this point. So here we are. Since a preteen, I have loved writing. I have loved reading since even before then which I'm thinking lead to my love of writing. I also have a love for typing as weird as that is. There is something satisfying about typing at a satisfactory speed with no mistakes. Weird, again. Nevertheless, this is what this is. And if you have somehow found yourself here, to which I would be completely surprised, welcome to this mind. My mind. It complicated. It can be dark and twisty (yes I am a HUGE Grey's Anatomy fan). It can also be beautiful and I have had many moments in my life that I wish I could take a screenshot of in my mind to hold onto forever. And when I say that it's not just of the location or the scene of what I was doing, it's more the feeling that I feel at that exact moment. I have had moments in which I feel so complete and so happy that those words don't even seem to describe it well enough. I also have a horrible memory. I mean baaaadddddd. My husband will often ask me if I remember someone that we met on a fly 6 years ago and I have no idea of the place he even says we were at. He on the other hand seems to remember every face and place that we experience. Wish I had that ability but I don't. So as I'm sitting here typing whatever thoughts come into my mind, I am discovering that this will serve a few different purposes. I look forward to continuing on with it, although I will not be putting myself on a schedule as that seems to be when things stop being relaxing or fun and begin being a chore that I will inevitably put off as I am a serial procrastinator and hate HAVING to do things. Wow as I am thinking about the traits described in the opening entry, I am not sounding that good ha! Hopefully we will change that soon. 'Til then...
I always dread these kinda days. Or should I say these kind of feelings. They lead me down a dark messy road in this mind. I'm not even sure what actually triggers them. I know what I think does, but I'm sure if I was seeing a therapist they would have a different insight into the matter. I mean today was just mainly a lonely day. I woke up at 5:30am to find Dre already gone. I have slept next to this man for 18 years, so naturally when he is absent, something tells me to wake up. I did manage to grab a few more hours of sleep which I desperately needed after a rough night of NO sleep before I finally got up around 9 and got my day started. It actually worked out somewhat since the kids both have their cousins here to entertain them so I headed out and ran to the bank, Marshalls, Five Below, Ridgedale and Northtown. I stopped to get gas and ran to Target to get some wrapping paper and finally headed home around 3:30. What a long day. I'd be lying if I said that my hips di...
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